(Matteo Caccia)

I break an unwritten rule, presenting something in Italian. It’s worth it.

Vendo Tutto (Everything for Sale): a radio program written and hosted by Matteo Caccia on Radio 24.

You can listen the podcast and the archive of the previous episodes. The sale, real, was on Ebay.
The signature tune is: Ten Millions Slaves by Otis Taylor.

Above: Matteo Caccia, photo from his page on Ebay, detail.

Here, the English summary of: L’orologio da parete (The wall clock, © Il Sole 24 Ore)

The wall clock

“The first time I went to dinner with Giulia’s parents was a very awkward evening.

They had both graduated in philosophy and were both teachers.
They inherited a fortune and never touched a penny of it.
From the little Giulia had told me, I realized that in their youth they had been a couple of hippies.

One Tuesday, Giulia said it was her mother’s birthday and it was about time we met.
I hadn’t done anything all day other than wait for that single most important of events: the Champions League match between Valencia and Inter Milan.

Giulia had to repeat herself three times for her words to sink in.
The third time wasn’t exactly in the politest of terms.
I tried to find an excuse, and found none.

So I got up, pulled on a jumper, a pair of jeans, my old pair of Nike trainers and shouted:
“Let’s go!”

Giulia gave me that look only she could master, and said:
“No way are you going dressed like that.”

She cursed my ex-girlfriends and chose instead a light-blue shirt, a dark blue pair of trousers and a velvet jacket.
I had to admit, I didn’t look half bad.

Giulia’s mother exuded radiance. She was clearly one of life’s enthusiasts.
I gave her my wishes and she said Giulia never told her anything, she knew precisely nothing about me other than that I worked in the world of cinema.
She then took me by the arm and said:
“Come, I’ll introduce you to the cook.”

We went into the kitchen; and I was about to graciously greet the father of the woman I loved when the guy turned round and, stood in front of me, was a dark-skinned man of indeterminate age.

The various possibilities whirled round my mind: a second husband, a white daughter born of a mixed marriage, a lover. She then said:
“This is Anaoura, he’s from Sri Lanka and a fabulous cook.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, partly because now I understood his role, but also because I noticed Anaoura had the television on and tuned in to the match.

In the dining room, I finally met Giulia’s father.
Unlike her mother, he did everything in his power to make me feel ill at ease.
I tried to ignore him, though I had the feeling that, somehow, he was taking the mick.

The dinner was agony though Anaoura’s food was delicious.

While Giulia’s mother was telling us how she yearned to take a course in drama, I excused myself to go to the bathroom; I stood up and as soon as I was round the corner, I made a beeline for the kitchen. Anaoura was watching the screen with his mouth hanging open.

I went in and asked:
“Inter?”
He shook his head and said:
“They’re out.”

Back at the table, Giulia was on her feet and bidding her father farewell.
He then did the oddest of things. He faced the wall and took down the clock. He turned round and handed it to me. For a moment, time stood still. I wasn’t sure if this was a joke, or what. He held the clock out at arm’s length, saying:
“Take it, Matteo. This is yours now.”

In the car, I didn’t trust myself to speak, but a question kept going round and round my mind: what the hell was the meaning of that clock?”

(Oscar Wilde, Reality Is Unrealistic)

“Tropes are devices and conventions that a writer can reasonably rely on as being present in the audience members’ minds and expectations. On the whole, tropes are not clichés.

Tropes transcend television. They exist in life. Since a lot of art, especially the popular arts, does its best to reflect life, tropes are likely to show up everywhere.”.

TV Tropes: “a catalog of the tricks of the trade for writing fiction.”.

1. Topic A is under discussion.
2. Topic B is introduced under guise of being equivalent to topic A.
3. A participant (usually the one who introduced B) attacks B, as if it were A.”.

(from Wikipedia)

Bombsville

Any kind of failure in life.

End

A word to signify that someone or something is the very best.

Player

Term for a man who is a gambler by nature, who makes friends easily, and never gives up trying.

Rain

As in “I think it’s going to rain” indicating that it is time to leave a dull gathering or party.

“Part of Sinatra’s manly and cool presence came from the way he talked.
It not only created a magnetic attraction, but simply sounded damn cool.”.
Talk Like Frank Sinatra. From The Art of Manliness.

“We must look to Robert Anson Heinlein for the origins of this word, which he invented for his science-fantasy book Stranger in a Strange Land in 1961.
In this, Valentine Michael Smith, a human being raised on Mars, returns to Earth with psi powers given him by the Martians and is transformed into a messiah.”.
(Michael Quinion)

worldwidewords.org: “Michael Quinion writes on international English from a British viewpoint.”.

You can watch the show on many sites.
You can also watch it on your video ipod.”.

The Daily English Show, by Sarah Lilburn.

Requires Flash Player

Conversational Terrorism: How NOT to Talk!, by Dean and Laura VanDruff.

This or That

“It is not a question of (this) or (that), but rather it is an issue of (whatever it is you want to say).”.

Even You

“Even you should be able to grasp the next point.”.

Distorted Active Listening

“If I hear you correctly, your point is…(get it all wrong).”.

Things People Said. A RinkWorks production.

Some examples:

Kids’ Ideas About Love

“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold.
Other people care more about the food.”.
Brad, age 8

The Language Barrier

“Please do not feed the animals.
If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.”.
A sign in a Budapest zoo

Warning Labels

“Do not use for drying pets.”.
In the manual for a microwave oven

“I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.
Then I realized who was telling me this.”.
(Emo Phillips)

“A.Word.A.Day includes a vocabulary word, its definition, pronunciation information with audio clip, etymology, usage example, quotation, and other interesting tidbits about words to subscribers every day.

You can think of it as a word trek where we explore strange new words.
Words are usually selected around a theme every week.”.
(Anu Garg)